Inner musings of Vixynn

Subject: Inner musings of Vixynn Fri Sep 12, 2008 6:35 pm

So here's my poetry. Simple, concise, and revealing of my innermost emotions....
kinda

Alone

i've heard of the feeling,
of being outside looking in.
excluded
but i feel it different,
inside myself looking out.
trapped
glancing at the faces,
recognizing, but not connecting.
secluded
yearning to be among them,
but needing to stay to myself.
confused
on the inside i'm burning,
my exterior remaining frigid.
injured
crying out silently,
wanting to be heard, and not.
conflicted
reaching into the darkness,
needing to find someone.
alone

Subject: Re: Inner musings of Vixynn Fri Sep 12, 2008 7:56 pm

i suck at disecting poetry, so im not gonna try, but im here 4 you Very Happy

Subject: Re: Inner musings of Vixynn Sat Sep 13, 2008 1:27 am

The feeling is there. Unfortunatly, nothing else is. Grammically sound, but dull.
Sorry. I'd say the begining should be lost. the first four lines. Read it then and it comes across better. Um. Just not your best.

Subject: Re: Inner musings of Vixynn Sat Sep 13, 2008 11:04 am

you need to make this alive..... like, you're yearning for passion because you are alone... or something........ savy's right about it being dull....... i need to see more emotions in this work..........

Subject: Re: Inner musings of Vixynn Thu Sep 18, 2008 7:38 pm

alrighty. thankies

Subject: Re: Inner musings of Vixynn Fri Sep 19, 2008 5:45 am

^^ improve on this ok? you have potential V....