The Serious HAHA Guy

Yes I can write I really can. Anyway I thought I'd start a thread for some of my poems. I'll start slow with this one.

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Anger

What brings him to anger,
What brings him to unrelenting rage,
In his very heart?
His soul torn from his flesh,
His mind curved and shaped to be a drone.
But his spirit fights,
Bringing up arms and bearing them against his captors,
Tearing apart the structure of his imprisonment.
But all for not,
His fury ignited the flames of hate,
His hate pushed the battle forward in favor,
But not of his favor.
His spirit was the last obstacle,
His soul fell to pain,
His mind to confusion,
Only He could tear down the foundation of his spirit,
And through anger, and rage, and shear hate,
He became a drone.
Leaving but a shell of bones and blood.
For he was gone,
Away from this world in mind, spirit and soul.
From the torment of the Captors….
Death.
Does it not come to us all?

nice jsavi. real nice. i like your word choice. ^^

You know the funny thing about that poem "Anger" I couldn't find the words to right that last line.
Seriously, I drew a blank right after the word Death, and it took me around two days to write the last line. It was one of those "Bring it Together" lines, and I went blank. But I did remember it and there you go.

Nice Poem Savy, when your first start posting your poems, I didnt know they would be that good lol/

i like it... ^^

reflects much of the other side of you which i still don't know.... lol!

This is boring, regular, templte-poetry. Ther'es no soul in it, just spark words that catch people's attention and make them believe that you're deep.

Sorry, try again.

Fallon once again, your coming over as bland and mean. Try actually giving giving the guy good advice, this is a writer's forum you know. Try helping him out if you feel he needs correcting.

Im sorry but why are you a moderator again? How the hell is being mean to the members, make youu worthy of that position.
Maybe you have experience writing, but you dont need to flaunt others on their work. And if you do at least give some decent cnc jeez.

Thanks for the comments. I'll put out another poem tommorrow or sooner.

^wow.... savy ignored fallon's comment...



anyway guys, i'll say this again, let's all do this calmy and with an open mind...

there are many kinds of styles in writing and savy we can't ignore the fact that you could get bad comments....

but as a moderator (i'm talking to you fallon) you should encourage our members and maybe give a tip or two so as to improve their works.... okay?

ang kio-kun, you shouldn't judge fallon like that... maybe she's just in a bad mood.... but its good that you pointed out about her behavior...



savy, i'm watching out for the next one... ^^

First off this poem was based off the First word assosiation poems I had to write in lit class. It's not the best of my pieces, but I enjoyed writing it, so there ya go.

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First Word

Remember why all of them came to this place
No, I can only remember how they died for us.
One Man once said God will forgive the Murderers over cowards
Can I be forgiven for doing so much and causing even more pain?
Grant your own forgiveness so your soul does not cower
Your lying to a liar to save the mind of a killer Are you not?
Own yourself so no one else need bare the burden
Souls aren’t given to men like me, they’re taken by force.
Forgiveness does Not need to be earned, just repented for
But I have lost the courage to repent to someone so forgiving!
You can always repent to him, but he can only wait so long
And what if I can’t come to repent before my Time ends?
God will decide.
Remember, No One Can Grant Your Own Souls Forgiveness But You And God.

i'm liking the work.... but you are right at saying that it does not bring out the best from you.... ^^

I like your poems, i wont judge them because i cant judge something i cant do, but (even tho i used to write, its been a while) i still liked them

@Fallon If your gonna be rude with you CnC, judt dont post it at all, or be rude then explain why the poem/writing had problems.

^correct! and i'm still waiting for savy's next creation.......... ^^

This is very recent. I wrote it within the last day.
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Trip

Is it courage or fear that keeps me here,
On this So called Vacation
A trip for man to dispose of his ambitions,
This destination that reveals child-like admosity.
Why have I come?
Reasons are like White Water Rapids in life,
With sound and flow but unstable and impetuos,
That is what this trip is like,
like a reason with no punch line
A story with no conclusion
yet my life in General is like the Rapids
It bears down on you and pulls in all directions
Hoping to God your ethical upbringing will prevent you from flipping into the water.
But flip I have
Stuck in the White Bubbly Doom of a speedy Grave
Air has sucked from my lungs and my arms have become numb, useless.
I know that i need to resurface
To restore my place in the calm current so i can find my own path.
But on this trip, I have forgotten how.
How to bring myself back from the depth
And so I drown on this trip, this so called Vacation
The story of my life not to be told or seen,
Just a cold corpse to bring back to an empty office.
For it was not the realization of loss that lost me,
It was the loss of my realization that drowned me.
Funny how life is nothing more than a grave when you can't follow
Your own path.

It has been so long that I can't remember why I stopped writing poems.
Here is an old one just for the times

___________

Walking.
If you walk slowly enough, you can see what is written.
The life of our fallen brethren.
The breath of the angels guiding them to Heaven.
The story of how they fell.
Who they fell for.
Why we all…
…fight.

His story.
Love of a maiden. Maiden not to be his own.
His fight for love.
The love his dearest Maiden, returned.
The love his lord, denied.
His fight with sword and steal.
The one, against the thousand.
The reason we all…
…perish

Tears.
She watched a glorious fight.
Blood and Iron.
She could not bare.
The tears shed for all who fall.
Her love’s tears, for her pain.
He could not bare to see her sad.
She watched the man drop his weapons, for her.
The one who killed a thousand.
She cried once more.
As we all cry…
…when our beloved dies.